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marital infidelity

Marriage Counselling Dealing With Infidelity

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marital infidelityMarriage counselling helps to identify different stages of infidelity and how to prevent or recover from it. Divorce may become inevitable if infidelity is not managed with the help of an experienced marriage counselor. Infidelity in marriage counselling is referred to as the violation of the mutually agreed-upon rule of monogamy by a spouse.

A marriage counsellor recognises that infidelity can be one of the most traumatizing experiences a couple can face in a relationship and that if not managed properly infidelity can inevitably lead to divorce and separation. Once an affair is exposed then it is absolutely vital for an experienced marriage counsellor to facilitate the process of recovery from infidelity.

Although it is not possible to expect a spouse to ever forget the act of infidelity, it is nevertheless possible for an experienced marriage counselor to successfully facilitate the process of forgiveness in the marriage counseling session. But as with all afflictions, prevention is better than cure and infidelity is no exception.

Preventing infidelity in marriage counseling

Preventing infidelity is not always possible as it is not always possible to prevent the temptation of an affair. However, there are steps that can be taken to reduce the chances of infidelity from happening in the first place. If prevention has failed, then the next course of action is to expose the affair at the earliest opportunity. Research has shown that the sooner an affair is exposed the more the chances of recovery. It is therefore important to be vigilant to the signs of an affair.

Signs of an infidelity

Recognising the signs of an infidelity is vital to recovering from the betrayal, as the sooner the affair is exposed the better the chances of recovery. It is natural to do everything possible to conceal an affair, however despite all attempts, there are always signs that expose the affair. It is therefore important to identify the possibility of an affair at the earliest opportunity. The sooner an affair is exposed the greater the chance of recovery. However, confronting an affair must be managed as not to cause offense to an innocent partner, or prematurely warning an adulterous partner to be more cautious.

Confronting infidelity

Once the suspicion of betrayal arises, the next logical conclusion is a confrontation. However, if confronting infidelity is based on conjecture then it will only be dismissed as an unfounded accusation and result in a futile argument. The confrontation must, therefore, be accompanied with undisputable proofs. Obtaining indisputable proofs are vital to exposing the betrayal. Once the affair is exposed the next port of call is forgiveness and the process of winning back the adulterous partner.

Winning back a partner

In marriage counseling, a marriage counselor can help with the process of winning back a partner after infidelity. There are circumstances where winning back an adulterous spouse is more desirable than divorce or separation. These circumstances can vary from the welfare of the children to love and financial reasons. Whatever the reasoning, there is no denying that this is going to be a daunting task, especially when overwhelmed by emotional turmoil. Once the spouse has managed to win back the adulterous partner, it is important to commence the process of recovery.

Recovering From Infidelity

In order to salvage the relationship, the couple must understand the process of recovering from infidelity. The process of recovery is vital, and after prevention, it is the most crucial stage of salvaging a relationship once infidelity has been committed. This stage determines the future of the whole relationship and whether the couple can reconcile and be stronger from their traumatic experience, or become yet another statistic in the divorce rate.

Why men won't commit

Why Men Won’t Commit

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Why men won't commit

Commitment is a big fear for a lot of men, and a HUGE frustration for a lot of women. Women can’t stand when men don’t commit, and they also can’t understand.

Men will give many reasons for not being able to commit.

I Need My Space

A lot of guys will just tell their lady that they need some space. So what does this really mean? Well, when you were a young girl, you probably dreamed of the day you’d meet a man that you would fall in love with and get married and have a family. For men, we just think about sex. A deep relationship is much more than we ever imagined, and most of the time we may not be ready. So we just need a little space to make sure we’re ok with where we’re at.

We Should See Other People: Ladies, do I really have to tell you that if you hear this one, RUN. It’s over. What a man is doing here is trying to keep you close, in case he needs to score a quickie on a drunken night.

I Like You Too Much

This is a sneaky tactic men use to try to make you feel good. I know, it sounds weird, but we’re not the brightest species on Earth. When a guy says this to you, he’ s got someone else in mind that he wants to have sex with, but he just hasn’t quite closed the deal because you’re around too much. Don’t give this guy his space. He’s just trying to sleep with someone else and then come back to you. That ain’t cool!

He Doesn’t Want You To Meet His Parents

This could mean 2 things. First, if he’s not too close with his parents, it could mean he doesn’t want them to scare you off, or, he’s just plain protecting you from them because they aren’t the best people. In the other scenario, if he seems to have a great relationship with his mom and dad, he’s probably ashamed of you, and that’s why he doesn’t want you to meet them.

men and commitmentI could go on and on about reasons men give to not commit. In many cases, they really may not want to be with you. But in others, they probably really do love you and care about you. So why don’t these guys commit?

They are SCARED!

You may not understand this, but it’s true. Women see marriage as a step in the relationship process. Men see it as an end. And the end of anything can be a lot to deal with.

Isn’t it ok to be scared?

You can overcome this by talking about your relationship with your man. Ask why he won’t commit? Find out the real reason. If you can talk about this and get through it, you’ll make it just fine.

Has a man ever told you that he can’t or won’t commit? What reason were you given? How did it work out in the end? I’d love to hear from you. Just leave a comment below!

In Every Negative Feeling A Wish For Something Good

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It is not uncommon to hear from couples who have been together for a long time that marriage is hard work. In most cases, this statement about marriage is very true.

Not only do married couples go through individual changes as time goes by, but they also have to deal with changes that life throws at them on a regular basis. Sometimes it is the birth of a child, the death of a loved one, a dear friend that recently moved far away. Other times different levels of career adjustments happen with financial implications that can put not only the individual but also the couple relationship under pressure. In trying to deal with all these changes, especially when several changes happen all at the same time, conflict and misunderstandings become a pattern in the relationship and communication breaks down. For many, those deep feelings of strong emotional bonds of love from years ago are now experienced as a distant memory.

Criticism

When a couple criticizes each other as they respond differently to change it is inevitable that negative feelings will start to set in and “open communication” becomes harder and harder. We all have our own ways of dealing with criticism and avoiding getting hurt even more. It is important to note that how we communicate does play a role but trying to focus on communication alone will not help us solve the real problem. Perhaps in younger couples who have been married for only a few years, a strong primary focus on communication can be very helpful. It is true that some of us come out of family systems where we learned to communicate around “family matters” more effectively than others. However, in cases where long-standing emotional wounds and negativity have become part of the couple relationship, those feelings have to be dealt with in order to make progress. This is where the tricky part of effective couple therapy comes in.

Reality

The first reality is that the process of unpacking feelings that so often spark backlash is a delicate process that requires a safe environment where both partners become less defensive and/or reactive. This takes time. More time than most think. Secondly, if the couple is courageous enough to face each other’s feelings, the process to be open and vulnerable to change is not automatic. Individual factors play a big role when it comes to things like forgiveness, becoming less defensive and more open to change and understanding. If this process already seems like a mountain too high, remember one thing: in the midst of all the bad, there are also a lot of good.

Every negative feeling actually contains a wish for something good. Perhaps years of resentment has a deeper meaning of a longing for a loving connection that was lost somewhere along the way. Why the resentment in the first place? Partners often feel so hurt that they are not even aware of the deeper wish they have because being vulnerable is running the risk of being hurt even more, or, it is as if they have given up hope. But listen not to only the spoken words, but the meaning behind those words can reveal something special to ignite the journey back to the love once experienced.